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I’m waking up to us
I used to not think much of this song. But now I think it’s one of the highlights of the Belle and Sebastian back catalogue.
B&S are often criticized for being too affected and/or twee. Not in this song, which tells Stuart Murdoch’s version of his break-up with former bandmate Isobel Campbell. How many songs do you know where Murdoch comes off as a petty, patronizing asshole? Because that’s certainly how he sounds here:
i need someone to take some joy in something i do
you need a man who’s either rich or losing a screw
you know i love you here’s the irony
you’re going to walk away intact
i think you never liked me anyway
you like yourself and you like
men to kiss your arse
expensive clothes
please stop me there
i think i’m waking up to us
we’re a disaster
you don’t want to know me
‘cause you move in circles of the brave
where art defines their lives
she was the one love of my life, and i let her go
and if i look like death today,
then please let her know
i never wanted to do harm to her
i only wanted her to see
the beauty of the world surrounding her
but when she opened up her eyes
it’s much too late
our chance has gone
she’s with a guy
who takes the prize for everything i ever showed her
digging all the fun
because she’s older
i fed her with a spoon
i made her mother smile
i helped the kid survive
she was the one love of my life,
she showed me the road
i loved her dog, her steady gaze, the chapter is closed
i always wanted all the best for her
the best thing was to stay away
she grew up and she left the rest of us
and now the understanding’s gone
i haven’t changed, how could i?
i’m pretty much the same person
i cannot keep the anger hidden anymore
but lucky for you, you are not around
my anger turns to pity and to love
the season has arrivedTwisting the knife, Murdoch then had the audacity to have Campbell perform on a televised version of the song:
Maybe Murdoch simply let emotions get the better of him. Or maybe we’re seeing his true personality for the first time. The doubt this engenders in the listener, together with the overblown arrangement, make “Waking up to us” endearingly imperfect and an important moment in Belle and Sebastian’s oeuvre.
